A Life Less Ordinary

                   So, it happens yet again…..and after the biggest exam of my life and even bigger ones down the road…..And after a beautiful marriage….3 beautiful kids…..a wonderful practice….a great house….a fire accident….a better house….a hurricane calamity….an even spectacular house……college……grandchildren……death in the family….being widowed….it happens…yet again. Just when you thought it was long over. Of course, it’s different when your skin is all wrinkled up and it takes you more time to get to the toilet than the time you actually stay in the toilet. Where every movement becomes a mission in life….a painfully stricken activity….My mind is all shot up, where pieces of memories are incoherent…..and nothing seems to stick or mean anything anymore….nothing other than the family that you have….then something like this hits you….old trunk of antique emotions….memories that you can’t seem to be confident enough to call your own. It’s not the sort of day you’d think it would happen. She just waltzes through your life…once again.

You find yourself in a place on top of a cliff….somewhere high and dimly green, above raging waves crashing……where the rocks seem to take the most alien forms…with darkly grey skies and chilly winds to the south….You feel the earth pound on you…while your heart races….and you stare at her shape while you shiver….coming to you, floating on every rock and soil on the ground……at first you dream that your thinking…and then you think you are dreaming…How can it be her….after all these years….can you still be an idiot at this day and age? Who can forget those beautiful little brown eyes behind that delicate angelic face….her skin, gracefully seasoned to perfection….her every breath, ever so slow, ever so soft, ever so gentle……just warms you up from the inside….you feel like your 20 yet again, gramps! I decide not to cry and begin to clear my throat…..that usually takes a while…but I gamble at my voice…what passes at this age as a voice…. I tell her “hello”…and it’s the sweetest “hello” I have ever said in years. The sheer magnitude of the moment silences everything else…..Nothing matters…..I began to talk about my life….every house I had…every beautiful child I got…my amazing wife…and every single shitty thing that happened to me. I tell her stories after stories with great ease that I haven’t experienced for quite some time now. I go on and on and on, and amazingly…she listens….she listens with great attention….she smiles more than once….it just warms me up even more. She begins to say one word phrases….and it feels like a million. Her voice just vibrates down my spine. Then, she makes 2 word paragraphs….and then….books of sentences. She talks about her life…all the beautiful shitty things she had to go through….her family…her kids…how she was widowed…she just talks and talks and talks….and I hear and listen to every guppy word that softens the cold wind around us….I begin to cry…because I am happy once more….moved by the gentle caress of her presence and the twisted sound of her giggles. It went on for hours and hours…to days…to years. It felt like we were together again. But it wasn’t true…it was a fantastic fiction…but it was all genius little lies…that I believed in.

Then a silence breaks everything…as if she’s looking back….trying to live in the reality of things….She begins to apologize for what happened before…for all the years that it took her to say it and mean it. I tell her it’s ok, that it worked out in the end…I lie for all the good it would do both of us. Then, I asked her if any of it was true…if the six years we spent were lies and filled with deceit. She smiles…and says it doesn’t matter. What mattered was how we felt…what we did…everything else was not important. It shouldn’t be. She tells me like a breathtaking movie…it always had to end…no matter how many times you see it…and that she cried….Every time she saw me…she cried inside….but didn’t know how to show it. I tell her guys are supposed to be the insensitive ones. That wasn’t her part to play. She tells me, women should have more trouble letting go…it wasn’t suppose to be my part to play it. We laugh a little bit…then suddenly…without any chance to stop it….without any hesitation…like an idiot’s last final words.….I tell her I love her. So much….for so long….that life was interesting with her around….and although I wouldn’t trade my life for that fantasy…..it was an adventure to dream about it. She stands there….tears fill her eyes…she smiles…her heartbeat feels oddly alive….She says the words I thought I would never get to hear in this lifetime…one last time….…She says: “I LOVED YOU TOO”. And for the first time in my life…..I feel complete again. I found myself. Like a big piece of me comes home….I go crazy…and hug her….and I hold her as tight as I can….as tight as my weary little arms can…I kiss her in the cheek and crash my face in her ear…..and tell her thank you….and suddenly, I feel cold again….It was a gnawing coldness….A voice calls me back in the background….it was my grandson….#2……it was all just a dream….yet again….I stood there…in that very darkly beautiful cliff……on top of her grave…where a princess was laid to rest. The words…."Here lies an Angel"…..was written on the stone. The kid asks: “Who was she, grampy?” I tell him that she was a nice woman who did many good things….who meant a whole lot to a lot of people, and who also became my friend. I tell him he would rarely meet people like her…and that if he did….it was best to just let himself go and share an adventure with them. I stand there for another minute…it takes forever…but I was able to collect myself…and I go on…….living my days…..and my genius little lies…..bidding for my time….

  Well here I am……about to head out for what maybe another chink in my history…it’s not all gonna be the vacation ive been dreaming about…and i’m sure i’m gonna run in to people who would try and tell me what to do and how they want this to be……but i’m on vacation to even quarrel….i’m gonna have my way with this vacation as much as i can….and compromise the rest…..lately i guess i haven’t been myself….still reeling from everything…..I need this to get a better perspective….and maybe some reasonable pride and dignity that ive been missing….Recently ive been trying to be passive about things…trying to please everyone….i’m not bitter or anything….haha, bet you thought i was gonna pull a drama curtain or two…..well, i’m just psyche and i’m gonna have a lot of funny adventures and get myself in some mischief and some good times….Something to tell you all in this web blog. So stay tuned….and for those lives i’m gonna leave dazed and breathless(mostly from laughing and confusion…)….well, you better beware….For the FOX may hit a town near you…very soon….See you in your dreams and in the funny books…..

Today, I wanted to talk about….the 40 year old virgin. No……I’m not 40….and as far as my revised “kamasutra: the millennium edition” is concerned…..I’m not a virgin either. But yesterday, as I was feeling kinda depressed and forgotten(still)……a special couple decided to let me tag along like a kid, to watch that “40 year old virgin” movie flick. With comics in one hand and my ticket on the other….I sat me down; ever so graceful as any other would sit. And prepared myself for what was soon to be realized….as a really geeky funny movie.

                  Now, I’m a geek…all of you know that. But what you don’t know is…I’m a cool geek….yep, there are many levels to geekiness….but it wouldn’t be right to talk about it right now since we’re doing this movie review. The movie is played with some pretty unfamiliar actors who did a movie or two before. They were plain and simple, and perfect for each part. Each character was set to balance each other and each was played to near perfection. The story delve into the psyche of a simple man….a geek….who like the fat Buddha……didn’t want and didn’t frustrate….he was satisfied with what he got. With all his collectible toys, statues, and cool gadgetry…..Or so he thought….but something ate at him from the inside….like natural evolution….he was screaming to become a guy….at the age of 40 of course. Why forty you might say? Because 40 is a very funny age according to some people I interviewed. Though somewhat a 40 year old virgin is rare this days….but there are still those few….there was a deeper lesson to be found in the story……too bad I was laughing so hard….i need to see it again to find them. It’s the perfect movie getaway….to dissolve all your problems….maybe to remind you that nothing is perfect and that we should just enjoy each other as it is…with only the best of what’s around. Not to think about the future too much….Have you listened to what your insides have been screaming lately? I guess the movie also has two important things to be seen….the fact that it’s ok to take some risks and that we should always be ourselves and do things to our own accord. If only id listened to both. Now, you can stay here and keep on reading on my raves and rants….or you can go out there and make sure…you don’t become 40….and a virgin….

  Allow me this simple pleasure to introduce 2 mentally retarded people….Belinda and Carlo. They are in a simple but elegant way to say it…insane! I don’t know they even know what their doing most of the time. It’s like their just flowing like molasses in a river of sweet, dark, and belgian chocolates. Yes, in other words, their in love. Yeah, old news fox…what this really about….well my friends, since ive been their stubborn lil whiny pet this past 5 months….and ive known both of them for quite sometime….spent days and nights working straight without the privilege of bath or shower…i decided to do them a favor and tell you a tale of this elaborate love affair. They first met by another named Bel. Yes, the legendary Bel DV. Though acquaintances, they both had a inkling of attraction but were both devoted to their respective romance at that time. As time went on, life happened. Both of their relationships were terminated for seperate unknown reasons. Both despaired…both drank that cup of saddness that seems to be in my care lately…its a bittersweet cup…and they had to live the days of the Drama.

Here comes the man without fear, Fox/JABE/JB….Being all lonely and drinking that same cup with them….though i never was in a serious relationship prior but sorta just thought i was….invited them both to study with lil’ol me in a place called STARBUCKS BF. Yes, it was crazy….it was just like how the fairytale books happened…a smile, a glance, a smirk, some laugther, some corny jokes….a brush of hair….a push of the elbow….a accidental touch of skin….hand suddenly under the table…errr….lets not even go there….basically they fell in love instantly. INSTANTLY! Monsters! Mongruls! The shocking arrows of cupid dot strike! Bel later told me, it was around that time they went to tagaytay for lunch to escape a suitor….Caz told me it was that time I/ME/FOX/JABE/JB decided to visit him in the hospital and study with him or bring him comics. Caz said it was nice of Bel to visit…lil shit….hahaha:) Magic just got to them i guess. No, credit was not due to me….they already had that spark….i just provided the place…..there is nothing you can do to stop love. You can’t. Better people have tried to run against particular couples because they wish for their love to die…have failed. That’s why i always surrender when love is around…you cannot beat that…and why would you want to…with the cruel and dirty things happening around…how can you wake up and look yourself in the mirror knowing your out to ruin something like that….There are those without love…maybe those were meant to be ruined….but the world is full of 6 billion people….infinite number of possibilities….why not just move around and let love flourish.

Ever since that day i guess, i try to annoy them both. Yes and i get annoyed because of them. Maybe i’m jealous of what they have and want to find someone to show them off….or maybe i have nothing better to do…but maybe, just maybe, i care for both of them…maybe their bond sorta got to me like some sorta fascia thats connected to me by a umbilical cord or ligament….maybe i love watching that sick insane kissing they do….those of touching hands or gross hugging…..stolen pecks…and yucky pushes of the elbows….those winking…and hands below the table…..yuck! All i know is, it’s fun being with the couple and i enjoy making jokes. And i am happy which is good because i need happy days…to this couple and the next pair of people i bear witness to….CHEERS!