A Life Less Ordinary

I am thinking about you……it is something my head was screaming at me after i met this girl back when i was 14 and in 2nd year high school. I remember her  face and her smile….the rest are somewhat vague to me….aside from that one night. I took her to this school concert….i think Side A was playing. I remember that we had so much fun….singing…or shouting…or thinking we were singing but were really shouting. It was a buncha fun. As the amazing night ended we walked on to meet up with her ride home. We were so happy giggling and smiling….and looking at each other. It was exhilirating enough really.

               Then as we were walking….she held my hand. As in, she got my hand and freaking held it! It was the softest thing to ever grace my hand. In a way, she touched me. I was so baffled….strucked! My hand was a running fawcet of sweat…and she looked at me smiling. Was she making fun of me, i asked. But there she was holding my hand with such soft firmness resolve….i wished she never let go. And as i was running so many things in my head as it is….when we got to her ride….we stood there facing each other….sweating…..heartbeat racing…….i probably said something uncool….but suprisingly she placed her hand in my shoulder and kissed me in the cheek. SHE FREAKING KISSED ME! KISSED! As in her amazing soft red cherry lips, both of them, just touched my face and blew me away. The world ended in that moment. Everything crawled down to a stop. At that age, a kiss in the cheek is like a sex marathon for a week! And i just hit jackpot! I wanted to smoke a cigar after….but i never really got around smoking. I wanted to buy the biggest roasted calf or pig and celebrate….I wanted fine wine and the sweetest chocolates…..i so wanted that night to never end. But it did. We wrote each other a lot the following year. She was really nice, that even when she had a boyfriend she still wrote me. Years later she had kids, got married, and went away. She was still young at that time. Last year i heard she was in the states already. People judged her a lot after that i think. I never did. For obvious reasons, she moved me. In a time where holding hands are like passionate kisses and a cheek-kiss is a sex marathon, i often wonder how happier i was back then. She gave my life hope. The simplest things we do give people hope. We may make or break them. And i guess that is why we must be somewhat vigilant about stuff like this. That sometimes we may be the clumsiest idiot or think we are a really fogettable person, irresponsible and a liability to the world…..but we are a treasure to others. And life has meaning because we exist to them. Days later, i wrote this poem about her. In a boring class, no less. I was in 2nd yr high, and i was overflowing with infatuation…..so forgive the mushy senses….It is one of the few times i got mushy about anything in this lifetime….I called it: "THINKING ABOUT YOU"

"I’ve Been Thinking About You,

So How Could I Sleep?

Whenever I’m So Close To You,

My Love Goes Deep.

In The Dawn Of The Day,

My Love Never Sleeps.

In The Heart Of The Pain,

Your Love Is Sweet.

Poetic It May Seem,

My Love Is True;

Cause All I Really Know Is

I’ve Been Thinking About You…"

After a while, my poem made it’s way to the school paper. Then got published in this book called "Alice in The Heartlands Poet", In which they made a play at the CCP about a buncha poems which included mine. They told me they sold the book in europe. I was in 2nd yr college when that happened. I often wonder if she at least got to read it. i can’t remember…

It is a funny thing….When i woke up today…when i woke up after the board exam….when i woke up after my great sabbatical….i found out the world had changed. The world always changes. I am told that more often than i care to admit. The world always changes when i sleep. It is not a big revelation, nor is it an unexpected guest. It changes continually without asking me. That’s how it is and how it has always been. Suprise after suprise…..Some of it are righteous….Some of it are evil…..most are somewhere in the middle….and they always have to happen without my consent….
          I am sorta going away again for a few weeks….away from everything in manila…I am gonna conjure up another adventure in my life. I can’t help think that sometimes it is better this way. That i dream out there. Sometimes i don’t feel i fit in. The world out there has become bigger….and something out there is calling me to be part of something that big….bigger than me….I have always had a constant affinity to challenge myself. And the funny thing is, i think it is best to do this on my own. I recognize the people who do try to help me in their own way. And i hope that whatever comes out of my life, would be something they can use and be proud of. So as i fall asleep again, I wish you all the best….And if there is anything that you wanna change about me or around me….i invite you to wait until i fall asleep….because….most of these things are somewhat gray to me and most shall always happen without my consent….

When i was in Gr.4, i was in our school library…and i remember this very vividly……because when i was doing my geeky thingymajig…(reading from popular science to the hardy boys….to any book i chance my hands on)….i came about a poem so beautifully written that it’s sheer simplicity just caught my soul’s attention. Not knowing that later, i myself will dwell in such literary indulges secretly. Anyway, i got a short piece of paper and wrote the whole thing down….15 years later…..or earlier today….i was trying to fix my stuff and that same piece of paper fell down and yelled at me: "Yo!"……So naturally, yet again, i read it….it just captivated me again and i thought i’d let you guys in on it. Some of you might not feel it’s magic….but i assure you….it’s a genius poem….just wish i wrote the name of the person who wrote it…..the person who wrote, "HUG-o-WAR"

"I will not play tug o’war!

I would rather play hug o’war.

Where everyone hugs, Insteads of tugs.

Where everyone giggles….and rolls on the rug.

Where everyone kisses, and everyone grins,

and everyone cuddles, and everyone wins…."