A Life Less Ordinary

I’m in the Blue Oven again……..Got another 48hour duty done this week. It was ridiculously busy. I tried my best to cope though…but i’m beginning to feel it, taxing me. I always end up regretting doing some stuff and hope I can do better. That’s the thing with me….I’m never satisfied. I have to grow. Everything has to grow. That’s me. I can never sit still. But trying to know is different from understanding. Medicine for me has always been about two factors. The knowledge on the disease…and connecting with your patients. The only time you can be an effective doctor is when you connect with your patients…….and the people you work with….and elevate their lives…from the inside. This is very taxing both physically and emotionally. You can got through all sorts of emotions in minutes. That’s the key. But when everything is said and done…you always remember the bad things….you always end up short in one thing or the other. It’s a fact. And as i went home today…..i tried to look for some small comfort. Maybe to feel a little bit normal again. To try catch up on the world. To lean……But it’s kinda hard when you live in the different pace altogether. So, I’m back to reviewing for the US exam….which i’m kinda weary about. You see, they said working freelance would make you wanna stop training. For me, it has been an opposite catalyst. I wanna start training again. Soon. As Soon As Possible. But I sorta made an elaborate plan to escape this world for an adventure. An adventure with a lot of potential growing. Change is a frightening thing. Especially in the hands of a stubborn little kid like me. But I’m facing it head-on. Maybe i’m just tired……Maybe it’s just male-PMS…….i just didn’t expect a lot of things…….and i thought some things where better than they really are. I don’t know if i’m wrong….but I don’t think i would really know in this life. Getting a great temporary job and losing it in a few weeks can also be a bitch just when your starting to get the hang of it and actually care for it. My world seems to be evolving……Heating up…….getting ready to explode in the next few months…..I am horrified and equally excited about whats in store…….And I just hope i don’t regret one thing or the other. If that dosen’t work out……then, I’m just gonna have to find another path. Divine my own future. One that is uniquely mine. Not a page from someone else’s book……and definitely not a FATE that begins and ends on page one…….

I was talking with a friend the other day…..she is a nice little girl who became my friend for some reason i can’t remember….but i’d like to think we’re close….Anyway, she asked me to write down a list of what i want in a girl….or my "IDEAL" woman. This was a very unusual request that i thought i’d indulge. I’m always waiting for someone to sweep me off my feet. But just as i think everything would be perfect….something always comes up…..Something always comes up…. I’d like to think that all i want is someone simple. Just like everyone else. But life is never simple. And i think i made my life screwy complex. So, maybe a list is a nice thing to do so as to guide me…..in a very weird sorta way………Here goes nothing………………………………………………………………….(after 30mins)……..Ok,ok….I made a list….and i read it….it was pretty ridiculous! Really…that’s why i never get to stay long with anybody. Terrible. Still, I really am not the kinda guy who just settles for anyone. So i texted my same friend….i told her my list was outrageous and maybe it was a bad idea….so she asked me…."What are the non-negotiables?"….then i thought about it. And told her that we have to be Kiss Compatible….She has to get along with my family and friends….Sweet, and loves me very dearly for who i am…She said…."There…is that not reasonable?". It’s nice to have friends like these during days like these. I’m going to sleep it off…

"It’s Beautiful……It’s almost eleven….on a saturday night….and I’m stuck in a room….kinda cool…..everyone is out….with their party clothes and their party hats….It’s kinda cool…….in the party rooms…..Got this laptop…..and i’m typing on it….funny….It’s all so weird….I’m thinking……Why am i here? I’m here because it’s cool to be here….This is the Best Place on Earth….And I think to myself…..why? why!? WHY?! has everything gone so fracking serious!….the world is crawling…..crawling so slow!…..and I’m just moving too fast!…..I’m gone!….I’m invisible!…..I’m a gaze!…….Funny part is…..I like it….all the pain….all the solitary thoughts…..My world is my own…..and there is no place i would rather be….there is no person i can ever be with…….It’s just me…..and this room….almost eleven….on a Saturday night…."

It’s 2006….But i suddenly miss 2005. For the past 4 years since 2001….i have been having really bad years. I was depressed….I encountered a lot of pain….and have done things I wasn’t proud of. Some people took advantage of that misery. For four years, My life was ruined. Although, i did meet a lot of good people and shared some good times….I wasn’t happy. 2005, was my year. I completed my PGH training…I PASSED THE FREAKING BOARD EXAMS….Yes, I’m a certified bonafide Spiffy Doctor! I have achieve half of my dream. I met a lot of good people in 2005…Saw Dave Matthews Band….Hanged out with my buddy Aldrich and Tony in the states for 2 months….did 2 weeks in boracay….landed an awesome job…got through pre residency of neurology…did historical things in PGH…..met brazilian women….had a lotta great times at parties….revived my social life….spent more time and got to know my family a little better….saw my big bro mike…..and learned to care again, though it did not go as i thought it would. All-in-all, I have been blessed in 2005. All that misery, tears, hardships, and times i almost quit….paid off. So, Thank You 2005! Thank You God for everything! and Thank You all of you  for believing in me and making my life a little more interesting. It’s 2006….things are about to change for me again…..but i can’t seem to forget 2005….I will always love that year….