A Life Less Ordinary

Here we go again….Trapped with another one…I see flickerish lamps and hazy shinny objects…a dim shade of light…and stale smoke hanging in the air…I grab my glass and sip…and drink what lefts of it. I am surrounded by my often friends…Johnny, Jack, Smith,…JB, Miguel, and Tito Pepe. Nobody really likes Tito Pepe…but we still let him hang around with us. Johnny laughs and tells me how pathetic i am. That all my frustrations are a joke. I really wish it was. Nothing seemed to be going my way. I felt so alone…so tired…that i can do no right. I tell them how clumsy i was with a lot of things. Relationships, work, and even small little things…I seem to fcuk it all up. It was irrational…unfair…like i was being bullied by fate. Finishing my drink i gave johnny and jack the finger anyway…hoping it would work on them and make me feel better. But they just bloody laugh. JB and Miguel tells me maybe i should try harder…I tell them i already have. Smith just shook his head and looked at me with pity. Tito Pepe would speak up…but he knows better than to say anything in my current state of mind. I like to give up now…I tell them that it does not seem to matter how much i try…people would look down on me…people i have known all my life would take risks with me…but they would never believe in me…and even if i do make it, It would not change the way they saw me. That is was all for nothing. I tell them i am leaking hope…tears began to fall down from my eyes. I start to wish i never existed…i wished I was dead…that a huge comet would just fall on me and end this silly joke. I plead them…to just make it stop……….Then suddenly…i feel a light brush of a hand…unnerving my scalp…brushing my hair. It was so soft and so gentle that it sent a sweet chill in my spine. I look around and i see angel black eyes and long brown hair…Her rosy cheeks and naughty angel smile calms my every thought…She seemed worried. "Where have you been?" I asked…She told me she was looking for me…and that i forgot to take my pills. I tell her i love her and that I was just thinking. She says that she knows. Her voice is so calm…so soothing…like mints. I start to look around…and i see an empty room…i see friends back in their shelves…quiet…dusty…watching. I look back at her, and say "honeydude, I’m tired…Can we go home now?"…She smiles and lets a tear out…she takes my hand warmly and with a smile…i stagger to stand…and start to make our way home…

It’s been awhile since i wrote anything…mostly because my life has been tumbling and tossing since i met Margie. That and trying to juggle my way and devour books again for my Medical Board Exams in the States. It hasn’t been perfect…but i’ve never felt happier in my life. She brings me life…she lit a lot of dark corners in me and has showed me love in almost every language. She goes to the south every so often…i kinda like the way the light attaches itself to her in the south. The light and sounds…and the very air are different when she is around. She has gotten so good in calming my uncompromising labile mood. I can’t seem to think of any other person who can do that. I just melt everytime i hear her say that i am her man. I know it is just an ego thing…but she says it with a lot of sincerity and sureness that i feel so damn special. I spent 3 days with her in the beach…where i got to sleep right beside her…I woke one night and started to stare at her…you can tell a lot from how a person sleeps…She looked so peaceful, calm….beautiful. She is beautiful beyond words. I have met her a dozens times since then…and each time…she makes my chest burst out. I wail and flinch inside my head…like a lunatic…I often wonder why we didn’t find each other sooner. Could have prevented a lot of life. But you see…that’s just it…we met each other at the right time and right place. You don’t prevent life…you allow it. Every pain and pleasure…because without life…then what is it all worth for? If i had to go through it all over again…i would wait again…for that right time…I’m glad my heart is resting beside margie now…while she sleeps…

It was dark…with a lot of neon lights…flashing…the sound of acoustic alternative rang thru the air…It never failed to amaze me how this life could turn things upside down…inside out…but I met Margie one ordinary evening…It wasn’t the kind of evening you would think things like this happens. But it did. A friend(Arvin) introduced us, and we just started talking. Not intellectually talk, or that interview kinda talk…just talking…and smiling. I got her number to add to my ever growing repressed social life. The next day I broke Guy rule#8 and texted. Nothing special…just chatting with my new friend. 3 days later, i was invited to try some secret blueberry cheesecake she was famous for. What was suppose to be a lunch thing turned into an afternoon of talking…and starring. My heart just literally screamed for her…and i don’t know why…but I kissed her that evening…as sweet and as simple as a kiss can be. It wasn’t out of desire…or stupidity…or spontaneity…or that new generation kinda fad. It was the sorta kiss that said…"Thank God i found you". Delirious the next day…i tried to find every rational thought i could think of to end this silly thing. She’s obviously different and I’m uninteresting, How else would i fit in? Basically, I was overthinking.

                 I saw her again the day after the next. We had a dinner date. I tried my best to find every reason not to like her, but when someone abstractly fits in your arms, in your eyes, in your smile…it’s kinda hard not to. The following day did not change, we tried to date in a more social way. It was a way for us to see if we were high and blinded to reason somehow. I remember trying to catch a glimpse of her across the crowded room. Her smile was 5 ft. away, but it warmed my heart anyway. I made my journey towards her, in the place i first met her…thinking of things i could say. Not that there was anything cool i could say. My mind just failed me again. But when i did reach her…i kissed her…secretly…and i didn’t think she noticed. Our bodies were just dancing around each other…5 inches apart…trying not to crush each other…trying not to lose control. As we were playing around with all the mixed thoughts and feelings…we were caught by what felt like a million eyes in the room. Embarrased, i did the only thing i thought could rescue me from running out…i secretly kissed her again…and gave her a secret hug too. Cheesy…Yes, but it was a cheesy night for both of us.

                The day after the next, we went out to see some friends. A friend of mine(Mark) asked me what the deal was…I told him the truth…that we were dating. Suddenly, i felt like i was lying. The truth became a lie. It was something that haunted me as we drove to Capones after the party. For whatever reason, i found myself admiring her again in front of a red wall. It seemed red at that time. But the light…the way the light attached itself to her…my heart just bled out. I tried to keep myself at bay…not to say anything…it was like a giant wave was about to crash upon me. So, i gathered what was left of myself…and made myself look like i had something to offer. I had trouble finding the words…it was 8 years ago since i had any use for any of them. Like a traditional geek, i traditionaly needed her to fill in the blanks…or to decipher my blabbering heart. I swear…when she said "Yes"…seven thunders uttered their voices. Things became so trivial…Life had meaning again…and i kissed her…not secretly…but for the world to see. In retrospect, i guess we both knew it  from the day we first had lunch. The first time our eyes really met. It was right in front of us the time we were introduced…but we only saw it later. It is hard to explain how i feel right now…i guess i feel inspired…like layers of misery just decided to let up just this once. We still do have every reason not to be together…sordid pasts, different lifestyles…worlds apart…people telling us how irrational we both are together…But at the end of the day…After all the hard work and daily life we both endure…i guess it’s really nice to get to hang my heart with someone like margie…