A Life Less Ordinary

For a guy trying to be a man without fear……I am Afraid. Fear has invaded every aspect of my life and has seeded every corner. My new found happiness is packed with fear…enough to make one stand down and fly away. It is good however to note that the very warmth of her breathe and gushing cheeks is enough to make me forget even my own name. Still fear has seeded that future. I have fears on further breaking my family apart…the weakness it may bring to our chain. Fear that i may settle in the states whereas i always wanted to settle in manila. Fear of this New Job that will take me 2 years to finish. Fear of the immediate exam next week. Fear that all of this would still amount to nothing…and all the things i set out to do will be forgotten…and my life would be meaningless. Maybe it’s just too many changes to handle in such short time. Too early to even fail. Like Ron Marz said in Green Lantern: "the trick in doing the impossible is taking the first step…". It is funny though…I’m taking those first steps…sitting in this hard wooden chair…with the smell of coffee all around…dim yellow lights…with all the korean people surrounding me…i can’t help but wonder why i am yet so alone in this trials. I half expected things to be different considering the certain changes throughout the months. Yet, I face my demons alone yet again. I am fascinated on how fate always reminds me of the proverb i was embedded in as i was growing up. That this is my life…My own life…and that i shall carry it alone. That no matter what happens…or what people say…i am destined to be alone. That i can carry other people…If and only if…i learn to carry my own…If and only if…i never forget. That to think otherwise, would be foolish and detrimental. To want something more…invites disappoinment and misery. And there lies my fear…the very reason i am afraid…the justification of this entry. I am afraid because…i am a stubborn bastard…who shall still try…no matter what my fate is…I shall face my demons…not without fear…but with courage…and whatever strength i do/don’t have…because in the end…i know where i am gonna go…I know what my fate will be…but in my end…the future…like so many things in life…is open to my own interpretation…What’s yours?

This entry was posted on Thursday, April 20th, 2006 at 7:29 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.