A Life Less Ordinary

What a glorious day it is today…..frack that…today was one hell of a ride. A heart got lost. Yes, literally…a human heart. Funny, I was doing one of the big experiments today…and was having some problems. My Boss was kinda pissy with the results of an experiment that basically says we have a big huge dump of data we can never use. All that hard work…nulled by a simple test that should have been done a long time ago. Now, everyone is in that foul mood…where you just wanna hide whatever sunshine you have left…lest they steal it from you. Alas…I get the entire 4th floor looking for me. Apparently, some people kept calling, looking for me regarding a surgery I did last week. Apparently, the heart was missing. It was the single request of the family to leave the heart in the body…and now it was gone. Just my luck…I am suspect #1(reminds me of PGH charity hospital). I am really not in any position to reveal much details…except for the fact the heart was missing…I was being grilled in a conference call(I was on a speaker talking to the heads of offices)…and I was being asked to do all sorts of stuff. But wait…just so there can be no confusion, I placed the heart back in the body. Together with my chinese surgeon partner. So what happened to it? Somewhere along the line…someone either got it or forgot to put it back. I know a lot of researchers need different things from cadavers…but it would take a really cruel person to just steal it off the bat. I think everyone just infected me with this foul mood. Studying(my only social interaction) and my weekly darts thursday game are definitely out since I promised a friend I would watch his wife’s dance production. All that plus the pressure of my exams and the bleak possibility I may lose my temporary job because of this. Times like this makes me happy I dont own a gun…I can just shoot myself. Times like this I wish I got someone to hug…instead of kicking elevators when no ones around…Times like these I wish I had a place to hang my battered heart…and a cold glass of beer or diet rum coke…

Do you ever have one of those moments where you wrap and wrap…and keep on wrapping your brain into something that just escapes your limits of reason? It can be an ordinary feeling…a deja vu effect…or it can be what I call a "Stuterring Effect".

       Now, there is this place, not far from where I work, where a beautiful, petite, amelie-like predicament resides. Now, I am a doctor. You all know how arrogant and confident doctors are suppose to be. You all know how surgeons get aggressive and very difficult to suprise. You all know this. Because we live for suprises…we train for them. We’re like samurai warriors, slicing and dicing. You can come in…covered in blood…with your intestines hanging out…and your arms amputated…and we still move in a orderly manner. Carefully planning our day while moving with predatorial precision. We train for this sorta things. We live and breathe challenges like this. I have been faced with so much drama, cruelty, desperate situations, hopeless cases…and extraordinary circumstances in life…But never, do I often face a force so powerful…it robs me of my obsessive confidence.

I have it in good faith that this person is spoken for. But why does the sight of her eyes…her smile…that frustratingly curly hair…and that damn soothing voice shudders my arrogant butt to the ground. It’s not that I am interested in asking a ’spoken for’ person out…I guess she just has that effect on me. Kinda like the effect I get when I talk to my Boss(who dosent have curly hair)…My Parents…My beautiful Ex…and maybe God when I see Him. Her hypnotizing aura relentlessly breaks me up. And its funny…because I try to ignore her…so she dosent feel uneasy and bothered…so I don’t get in her way really…but you cant help but glance sometimes. I can ignore the prettiest girl around…especially when I am engage on something else…but I guess, like I said…their are some things in life you can never really figure out.

The funny thing is, I get to talk to her every now and then…but I think she is kinda weirded out by me…because I turn into a language illiterate idiot when I utter whatever 3rd grade elementary language I had…when I was in 3rd grade.  It is just so frustrating that this person gives me the hiccups. And I try to resolve it by embarassing myself once. Good thing I am gonna be done with this exam in 3 weeks…then I can concentrate in cracking people’s chest open, and bathe in my obsessive illusion that I call confidence. Things can go back to normal and I can start being an looney adult again…Silly as it may sound, but these are very silly times…and I am still trap in a very serious silly highwire world right now…